Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
