My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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