Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
