wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
