I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
