Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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