we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
