I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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