If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
