just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
