I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
