I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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