Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
