Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
