Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
