Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
