I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
