i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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