I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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