I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
