I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
