So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Your dad touched me again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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