Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
