TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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