well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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