I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
