I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
