We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
