what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
BRING THE BAGELS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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