make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
