do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
