I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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