I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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