PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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