in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
