Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
