I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
