So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They are going to name an STD after you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
