proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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