They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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