i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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