Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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