I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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