Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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