What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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