He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
