THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
