I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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