I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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