the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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