Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So much rum. So many feels.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
