i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
