Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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