So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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