so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
