my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
