On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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