Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
