Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
