I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
