you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
