Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
